“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
Anais Nin
What Problems Can I Help You With?
Although people come to counselling for a huge range of reasons from trauma recovery to personal growth, one thing we all have in common is that we all seek change. We want more choice, more control, to be more fully ourselves. Some people call that the true self, higher self, Self, or simply being ‘authentic’. There is probably something that limits your truest self, at least some of the time. A habit you can’t change, an experience that feels too much, too numb, or maybe you don’t feel like yourself, don’t like your experience, or maybe don’t even like who you are, or something that you’ve done. ‘What is in the way, is the way’ is an understanding of the psyche that goes back to the ancient Greeks, and is just as true today.
General Mental Health
Anxiety, depression, phobias, work stress, grief, anger, sleep problems and relationship difficulties are some of the most common problems that I can help you with.
Trauma
If you suffer the lasting impacts of car accidents, medical trauma, sexual harm, or childhood abuse and neglect - sometimes called complex trauma - change is possible. You do not have to suffer forever.
Chronic Pain
Your debilitating migraines, tension headaches, fibromyalgia, back & neck pain, unexplained pain, and restless legs may benefit from therapy. Of course, you should always seek medical advice first.
Self-esteem and Shame
Feeling not good enough, bad, a failure, or worthless can feel so true and so entrenched that it is hard to imagine there is any other possibility. Yet no child is worthless, you learned this, and I can help you unlearn.
How Does Counselling Help?
Memory reconsolidation theory, developed by the psychologist Bruce Ecker, helps us to understand what brings about the kind of deep transformation that so many of us are longing for. Our problems often stem from very deeply entrenched patterns in our unconscious mind - which is why we can’t just choose to think and feel differently. Some people call this the ‘psychic floor’. Changing it is simple, but not easy. It is supposed to be hard to change, otherwise we would have to relearn important things like gravity, and how to ride a bike, again and again. Happily, Ecker and colleagues gathered together heaps of research and identified the four steps needed to bring profound psychological change. There are several approaches to therapy that embody these steps - Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Eye Movement and Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) are two of these approaches that I have training in.
The four steps to change ingrained patterns:
1. Locate the Problem
We need to engage the neural networks where the memories and automatic repsonses reside. Importantly, we do not want to relive past traumas, just to notice the past learning that happened.
2. Mismatch or Unlock
Rather than relive the past or repeat the old learning - the goal is to experience a “mismatch” with the past. This unlocks the original learning so that new learning can occur.
3. New Learning
For approximately 5 hours after unlocking we have an opportunity to erase the orginal learning and take on new learning before the synapses relock again.
4. Integration
Sometimes this whole process is spontaneous, sometimes it takes many sessions and a lot of work to integrate changes in our day-to-day lives. The process is very personal and directed by you.
How Long Does Counselling Take?
I wish that I could answer this directly, but of course we are all different and our outcomes in therapy vary too. There are some things to look out for that can influence the chances of a good outcome for you:
Therapeutic Relationship
Research shows again and again the impact of the relationship between us on therapy outcomes. It can take you 1-2 sessions to know if it’s a good fit, and a free consultation is a chance to try it out. Ideally, try a few therapists before deciding.
How Many Sessions?
Getting benefit or change early in counselling is a very good sign according to the research. After 5-10 sessions, if you are not getting any such signs, we could try another approach or try a new counsellor. You should always feel free to change any aspect of counselling.
What is Progress?
Just as your goals are personal, so is progress. Old patterns changing, feeling lighter, more open, more assertive, less reactive, a reduction in intensity of symptoms are all good signs. Ups and downs are also very common, especially in trauma recovery.
What Else Helps?
Many things help, therapy is just 1 hour out of a week. Rest, relaxation, exercise, eating well, fun, emotionally supportive friendships / relationships / community, safe environment, financial stability, awe, purpose, nature, pets, meditation, books, & journaling can all help.
IFS - Internal Family Systems
IFS has become well known in the last 5-10 years as an effective, evidence based treatment for trauma. The well known psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk that wrote ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ said that IFS is an approach that every therapist should know. IFS is not just for trauma. If you don’t have a history of trauma and neglect, you will probabaly find that you get benefit more quickly than those of us with trauma/neglect.
No Bad Parts
Dr. Richard Schwartz, founder of IFS, wrote the book No Bad Parts. There really is no bad part of you - this is a cornerstone of IFS theory and practice. “IFS is inherently compassionate, gentle, and respectful”, Janina Fisher, PhD.
Protection
IFS sees most mental health symptoms as stemming from a part of our psyche that took on an extreme role for a good reason - to protect you (even if you no longer actually need that protection). It turns out that our minds all have many parts, and this is a good thing.
Curiosity
If we can get curious about the underlying reason for the extreme role - and resolve that inner conflict - the symptoms tend to subside. Giving you more access to your true self.
Inner Balance
As the more extreme parts of you relax, you are likely to experience more inner balance and trust in yourself.
This is a ‘constraint release’ model- everything you need to heal is already inside you, it is just constrained.
